Monday, February 3, 2014

A. Watts has said...

If to enjoy even an enjoyable present we must have the assurance of a happy future, we are “crying for the moon.” We have no such assurance. The best predictions are still matters of probability rather than certainty, and to the best of our knowledge every one of us is going to suffer and die. If, then, we cannot live happily without an assured future, we are certainly not adapted to living in a finite world where, despite the best plans, accidents will happen, and where death comes at the end. /.../

The “primary consciousness,” the basic mind which knows reality rather than ideas about it, does not know the future. It lives completely in the present, and perceives nothing more than what is at this moment. The ingenious brain, however, looks at that part of present experience called memory, and by studying it is able to make predictions. These predictions are, relatively, so accurate and reliable (e.g., “everyone will die”) that the future assumes a high degree of reality — so high that the present loses its value.


But the future is still not here, and cannot become a part of experienced reality until it is present. Since what we know of the future is made up of purely abstract and logical elements — inferences, guesses, deductions — it cannot be eaten, felt, smelled, seen, heard, or otherwise enjoyed. To pursue it is to pursue a constantly retreating phantom, and the faster you chase it, the faster it runs ahead. This is why all the affairs of civilization are rushed, why hardly anyone enjoys what he has, and is forever seeking more and more. Happiness, then, will consist, not of solid and substantial realities, but of such abstract and superficial things as promises, hopes, and assurances.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Die Geschichte von einer Einzelgängerin...

In the meantime somewhere in Estonia, a young lady has finally got some free time to enjoy whatever she wishes to enjoy. Music, sports, friends, family, watching Louis CK and other quality TV... Also, a few weeks back the snow finally started to melt. We've had a few days of warmth (+10 Celsius and such). This past weekend I went on a little road trip to my granny's house over 150 km from Tallinn and witnessed some flooded fields, but mostly a lot of lovely, snow-free sights. Almost seven months of snow and freezing cold hasn't been all that inspirational... I've felt a lot of unease. I don't even know why. I've felt it even when seemingly everything's okay and I should be more than happy with my life. Just this feeling of... I don't know, insecurity maybe? The negative kind? Nothing to worry about, though.

I'll be back in the UK for the summer, still going to work as a live-in carer seeing as I love the job and it pays well. Maybe during those months I'll manage to figure out what the hell's wrong with me sometimes... Why do I act like a socially awkward penguin when I've never before had a problem with making friends? I've noticed that I changed a lot in Germany and England (the second time around)... Whatever the cause, it could also explain why I care so much about some ignorant, horribly narrow-minded people who obviously wouldn't care if I lived or not. Not about them, really, just about some of their opinions... God, enough with the rant. All in all, I think I just need a vacation. I need to get away from the people I love or loved and my life here, just for a while, to take a step back and think about... well, everything.


Wednesday, November 21, 2012

What's new in Estonia?


  • The winner of 'Band of the year' and other awards at the Estonian Music Awards gala 2012, Ewert and The Two Dragons signed a deal with Sire Records (owned by Warner Bros. Records)... Have a listen: 



  • The 'Silvergate' scandal has unleashed quite a powerful public discussion about how the political parties should be financed and whether we should change the political system. Today, the president met with various representatives from parties, civil society organizations, political analysts etc over 1,5 hours to discuss the current political situation. As a result there will be an online site where people can submit their opinions and suggestions about the political system. The Prime minister and the minister of justice haven't showed any signs of remorse. 
  • I've been working hard as usual and that's all I have to say about that. 

Sunday, October 14, 2012

As expected, I couldn't wait longer than a few months before re-opening this. I don't know, there's just something about the fact my private life and thoughts being available to whomever wishes (and can either speak English or use Google Translator?)...

My last, very uninformative post was made back in June. Since then I have worked on odd jobs like window cleaning, care work, babysitting, cleaning etc. At the moment I work in a stable and also have a few regular clients. My days are packed with uni, work or both and I don't have any day off's, I just can't afford them. I did have a few days off in the end of September, when I drove to see my granny and brought my mum and her friend to visit us in Tallinn for the first time. She's scared of the thought of driving in Tallinn so she hadn't visited us until then.

I've probably forgot to mention this, but I'm doing a course in sociology. It took me a few years - two, in fact - after A-levels to decide what I would like to study and until this April, my first choice was still the English language, and I hadn't even thought of sociology. As I was discussing with my mum what to do, we found sociology. Tallinn Uni was my first choice because even though I can see some niceness in the university capital of Estonia - Tartu, I've always preferred Tallinn. Probably because it's associated with travelling to and from the airport, and my best friends, and the town with the zoo and MacDonalds etc.

Sociology is perfect for me. It analyzes everything up to the core, and that's what I like to do. Also, the people on my course are quite fun and an interesting bunch, so I can't really complain. My partner is doing a course in anthropology which I also considered studying, but then decided it's too... dry? for me.

The good thing about uni (as anyone who's been to one would know) is that you can pretty much control your schedule, or at least in Tallinn you can. It's a bummer when two subjects you were planning to take, clash in the time schedule so you can't take them afterall, but there's always next year, and third year.

During the first half of the first semester I have had the following subjects: two compulsory subjects - the basics of sociology, an overview of sociology; my own choices - the basics of politics and government, family sociology, an overview of psychology, communication and society.

The first two are given by the same lecturer and he's my favourite so far, too. You can tell he's passionate about his subject and his lectures are almost always interesting to hear and take part in. Other lectures are quite boring, with the lecturer mostly sitting (or standing) in front of the class and reading from her powerpoint.

Four of these subjects are finished within a week or two from now which means exams. The first one is in politics, it's on Tuesday. There's a lot of work but it's okay. I'm more afraid of the psychology one seeing as I have missed almost all lectures and haven't bothered to read any of the material through. Oh well, I still have time.

That's all for now, keep it tight. I'll post some photos.



 Yes, the beach theme was definitely 'in'... Which reminds me I should go and take an autumny photo in the same place soon.

Just a reminder of the short and cold summer we had. At least we had strawberries.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

I've just realised this blog totally sucks ass. I don't see any reason why anyone should read this... Especially when there are web pages like Vice, Cracked, Soundcloud and all the other addictive sources of whatevery.

... So I'm not going to contradict myself by posting something worthy of reading.

Good night (come home).

Thursday, June 7, 2012

I wish I could see how others see me. Specific people, I mean, not just everyone. It's strange that 7 billion people have their own views and values, and with all their knowledge they are still unable to see the world through someone else's eyes but their own.

On other news, not everything can run smoothly for long, as was proved by my three months old laptop. Yes, yet again there's something wrong with it (a week after the purchase it was broken and received a new screen, mother board and some cables).

Also, I've only just realised I'm going to have to sell my car in order to afford living in this flat. That is, unless I find a real well-paying job today or tomorrow. Or sell more stuff.

Nevertheless, life's good.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Well, a few days back we moved to Tallinn. I also finished my exams a few days ago... And got a job for July and August... And won a random photography contest, with a prize of another Lomo camera (that brings my small collection of cameras up to number 10, or 9, if I don't count the light-o-matic one, that doesn't work). We have already hosted our first guests, made a very first pizza by ourselves and checked out a gorgeous beach nearby.

Everything seems to go too smooth.. I might get used to it.